I , myself , Rizwana Abdul Salam had a past in which I cursed myself for putting my soul inside a cage that is created by me itself and blaming Almighty for creating me as a girl. Without knowing the immense power of a woman who is the immense reservoir of potentials that can never end . Instead I always admired about the power and strength of a man. There was nights where I dreamt about me changing to a boy and releasing my soul from the cage which I , myself has built around. I thought myself as a bird without wings. Instead of working hard to achieve my dreams I was sitting and blaming myself . Each time I was promising myself that because I am born as a girl , I am weak and if I go behind my dreams definitely I will fail ; a mass failure that will lead to death . Every night while going to bed I used to pray to Almighty to turn me to a boy when I wake up the next day . The next day I used to cry aloud by looking into the mirror and realising that I am still a girl without wings who is eager to fly like an eagle at higher sky.
When I reached my puberty , things went even worst . My period cramps kept me cursing myself being a girl .My period cramps was so painful that I missed most of my school functions and exams due to the fear of overflow . During my periods I was constantly tensed to go out, fearing that my dress my spot blood and others will make fun of me. I feared to ask a pad to a male shopkeeper . I feared to carry a pad in my bag fearing that my male friends would spot it . I again and again cursed myself without knowing the importance of puberty or motherhood. At times I was so jealous of boys ,who never and ever need to know the pain of period cramps or pregnancy .And of course like other girls I too was so feared in getting pregnant where we should bear the pain of 57 Unit of pain where a human can bear only 45 Unit of pain . And this 57 Unit of pain was equal to 20 bones getting fractured at a time. Getting pregnant was one of my nightmares.
During the time when I completed my 12th grade from Muscat I was in a process to settle in India . And the very next day I am hearing the newspread of Delhi Gang Rape in which a 23-year-old female was beaten, gang raped, and tortured in a private bus in which she was travelling with her friend. Medical reports later said that she suffered serious injuries to her abdomen, intestines and genitals due to the assault, and doctors said that the damage indicated that a blunt object (suspected to be the iron rod) may have been used for penetration. That rod was later described by police as being a rusted, L-shaped implement of the type used as a wheel jack handle. Here raised my next fear the fear of sexual abuse .I was so scared and I was constantly thinking about the pain that the 23 year old female went through when an iron rod was inserted to her genitals.This fear haunted me like a demon throughout my life. This fear made a bigger cage around me . I was scared to get out from my house alone moreover to travel in a public bus . I was in a dilemma whether to settle in India or to go back to Muscat where sexual abuse was so rare as they have a very good and fast system of punishment .But something pulled me back is the fact that India was my motherland and as every other human being I too love to stay at my homeland. But the cage became stronger and stronger when many cases of sexual abuse was filed in India and where punishments took a long period of time.
When the wheel of the time passed by a small wings was sprouting in me . It may be due to the strength I got from my courageous mom who is is a very successful business woman along with my dad; who is the greatest man in the world I have ever seen who gave all the support to my mother in her career. Or by hearing hundreds of speeches addressed by Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey who went on working hard to fulfill their dreams of educating the world wide girls as they believed that educating girls makes a better and stronger communities around the world. Day by day my wings started growing but the trouble was that I don’t know how to fly . If my wings was built by great womens like my Mom, Michaela Obama , Oprah Winfrey , Kamala Surayya etc… etc where the list never ends the one who taught me to fly was my dad and my husband. They both supported me in each and every nook and corner on the path to my dreams. My dad was the person who supported me to built my career as a Software Engineer and my husband was the person who supported me to chase my dreams on the path of psychology . Both of them as a very big role on helping me to overcome my fears .
Once I was cursing myself of being a women and now I am proud to be a women . What made me so ? Of Course my family has a great role but apart from my family , it may be the light that entered to my life through the wounds that my life has granted me.What I have learned from FEAR is that fear is nothing but an entrance exam in your life to face the reality and it is an energy drink that can rise you to your potential. I overcame my fear by letting it go and as well as by helping others to let their fears to vanish into nowhere .I was feared; on being a girl but now I came out from the cocoon with fully developed wings that made me fly with the proudness of being a women.
Once, one of my psychology trainer quoted that a person should only be passionate in “A DREAM” and not in “MANY DREAMS”. And he reminded me either to put software engineering nor psychology down so that I can concentrate on a particular DREAM and I would be fully accomplished on my particular Dream with all my energy.This statement may be true or false . But it ruined my sleep for days and weeks . And I came to a conclusion that “I am a woman , a woman is always multitasking ….as a mother, as a sister , as a wife , as a daughter , as a student , as an employ and the list goes on … Then why can’t I add some more duties to my list ? Of Course I can because I am a woman , the reservoir of endless energy . I maybe slow in accomplishing my duties but definitely will do them all . If I , my mom and every other women on earth can do her household and workplace duties with her periods or bearing her baby in her womb with immense pain and discomfort then what else to say ? We are capable of multitasking even in pain and without taking a day’s leave , that is the respect given by the mother nature to women around the globe .”
Man maybe stronger than women . I do agree with that but if you want to know the strength of a woman go and grab her child , the immense tank of strength will overflow within her that could destroy everything on earth to protect her child .This too is a respect given by the mother nature to women around the globe . Nature has not only given this respect to human beings but to all feminine living beings . Go and grab a puppy from a mother dog , you will understand the inner meaning of my statement . I end by saying that ” Women need not want respect from men , because she is always respected by the mother nature the only thing she needs is the support to fly higher and higher ………….”