My enemy ,is the person who always haunted my body and soul. She is a female character who always hated my body and my skin colour as I am fat and black. She always complained about my body and skin to others, which made me so insecure to meet and greet the outside world . This made me to lock my childhood days inside our flat in Oman. I hated to go for shopping because my enemy always warned me that I would never get a matching size nor colour outfit that suits my body and skin.
At my teenage,she warned me that I was ugly, which made me to lock my heart with no room for love. This made me to hate all the poetry and novel on love. Hence,my interest moved on to crime thrillers and investigation, that made me more and more insecure . At a point I was scared , even to go to school, where I thought I would be kidnapped.
When my age teenage girls went to beauty parlour, my enemy insisted me to go to fast food cafés. So food became my source of happiness, which made me more chunky . This made me feel that I was the worst looking girl in my friend circle. Hence, I started to disconnect myself with my friends as well as the society due to my logic of appearance.
Years passed, my enemy was still with me . She always had a doubt in my abilities that made me to hide my abilities in a cage . At last, she killed my abilities like a butcher. She confused my ideas and thoughts. She demotivated my desire to aspire my dreams . Not only that, but she also flickers my mind . My enemy always whispered to me that all the problems in my life , has happened due to my fate. I believed her blindly ,and instead of solving my problems, I started questioning my spirituality and God.
Eventually, she started injecting ego, envy, greed, hatred and selfishness into my blood. These all took my humanly characters, and I was trapped . She made me uncomfortable in other’s happiness. She made me to hate others. Likewise, she always dug my past with all the bits and bytes. She echoed my past failures in my ears, which made me to sit idle instead of trying it again. She made my mind to rust .
Furthermore, she never let me go away from her , instead she held me tight to her soul. But one day I just destroyed her with my sword. She was scattered into pieces and I was freed. The sword I used was nothing but self-love. And my enemy was my past self. Love yourself which in turn will spread positivity to you and the people who are connected to you, otherwise it would only spread poison to others, and eventually it will kill you.
Our society and ancestors has taught us that the biggest achievement of a girl is getting married. It’s high time to change this thought and if you still believe on this ideology then you are pissed off. Study, be in a good position,love yourself the most, achieve all of your dreams and let marriage be your last priority.
After marriage, don’t put your dreams and you in the last position in your priority list . It will definitely harm you, physically and mentally. Love yourself the most rather than your husband nor kids because in this modern era no relationship is having a guarantee. The only guaranteed relationship is you and yourself.
Stop being a mother who says “Dear son/daughter I had a dream of being a doctor, but I could not, so you should achieve my dreams”. Is there any logic in it ? If you want your son/daughter to be in a better position, stop complaining and have the courage to achieve your dreams and show them the path to success .
I have heard many women saying “I am fat, and my husband does not have any complaints on that”. Being fat after delivery or on a new lifestyle is normal, and being in that same position is so harmful to your health, and sometimes to your relationship. Another common thing we hear is that , when we ask a woman whether she has a driving licence ? The moment she will come up with an answer ” Why should I ,my husband drives, my son drive ….. “. Dude, it’s far time . Dear women and girls, understand your value and live for yourself, at least for a day.
Some very talented women are still in house, and if we ask them why ? Then they would be having a thousand excuses, like my husband is working for me , I have to look after my kids and house. But most of the women of this type are going through extreme depression and self-doubt. Women support their kids , husband and their entire family and the bleeding truth is that they don’t have any other to support nor talk, Even their self.
To all the girls and women out there, if you want to achieve something you should sacrifice something, it may be your leisure time , your energy nor some people. But I guarantee you at the end you would be the happiest and in return you can get double the amount of things you have sacrificed.
Don’t ever think that someone in heaven will come and push you to achieve your dreams . Never gonna happen , stand out ,believe in your dreams and start working on them. Sometimes you may fail a thousand times, but remember, every failure is a step to success . Understand the fact that you have at least tried .
Two years back , on the same Ramadan night when the whole world was sleeping peacefully, I with a baby on one hand was sobbing out of vein . Due to delivery stitch pain and lack of sleep, I was physically and mentally haunted by black demons of pain and suffering . Yes, on one side I was heavily bleeding, on the other side I had a deep breast pain due to continuous lactation . This scenario continued up to three months, which was accompanied by a condition called cystocele ( Loss of bladder control, can be caused by pelvic organ prolapse that can sometimes happen after childbirth.).
I just can not blame anyone for this situation because during that time there was an unavailability of home nurses due to corona. Nor I can not blame my family members as my mother was stuck in Oman due to the same corona, my grandmother was aged, and my husband was tired after his hectic job. Instead, for no reason, I went on blaming my fate itself.
I literally do not know whether it is a tradition or culture in India nor Kerala where the bleeding moms nor the newborn babies are not allowed to wear any type of sanitary pads nor pampers . Instead, we used cloths. This made my situation even worse, because of hygiene issues. Moreover, at last when my baby goes on to sleep after the great night war ,morning was the time for me to clean these dirty cloths . Not in the washing machine , but on stones which were kept far away from our house,due to hygiene issues. I still remember the pain I had while washing these clothes, the pain due to my physical struggles of last night as well as mental strain due to lack of sleep.
But Allhamdulliah , this Ramadan is far better . Living in Muscat with much better lifestyle and peace, along with my little cutie pie. On the past Ramadan, I blamed my own fate without knowing the fact that Allah was training me to make myself stronger than ever. God gives the hardest battles to the strongest soldiers . So keep your heads up , be patient,this too shall pass and the person with the worst past makes the best future.
I grew up by hearing “Be careful”, ” Watch out”, or “No” by my parents and family. Most parents caution their daughters more than they caution their sons. Parents never teach their daughters to be courageous. This has been one of the main reason behind suicide deaths of young women within months of marriage, that have been reported in Kerala in past few months. Parents teach their daughters to become a “Good Girl” by teaching them to adjust their self in each and every circumstance they face in their life. This is equivalent to the situation where you keep a caterpillar inside a box without letting it fly with its beautiful wings to conquer this earth, by spreading seven colors of life and harmony.
Look around us, we can see women who adjust their married life with their husband who is cheating her for years. Often there are no choices for women to open up rather than committing suicide. Because she is scared of her own family and society. If she opens up, then the society would echo that “This all happened due to her fault in satisfying her husband ” nor the society would symbolize her as a feminist. Often women are blamed for unsuccessful marriage by the society .
If a woman went for divorce then she is stamped as a feminist and stubborn, or if a girl pursues her studies and career without marrying then she is a “Bad Girl” and she is having some problem , or if a mother goes for work then she is selfish and cruel. Most of the parents think that girls are fragile, and they need help. And this message permeates as we grow up. We all believe it and when we become parents we pass it on to our children.
Two years ago, Quartz published a story in which a professor said period cramps can be “almost as bad as having a heart attack”. If a woman can overcome this heart attack every month and risk her life bearing 57 del of pain which is equivalent to fracturing 20 bones at a time. Then how can one call a woman fragile?
To all the women and girls out there, It’s okay to be divorced , It’s okay to be single,It’s okay to be a working mom because you are the backbone of this whole universe. If you are broke, the entire universe may shatter into infinite pieces because you have the power to create , nurture and transform .HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY
The biggest burden of our life is “not forgiving someone for something”.So throughout your life ,you are the only person who should handle all these burdens.Whether you are eating , sleeping , bathing or anything you can never and ever remove this burden from your life unless and until you are ready to forgive. It can severely affect your physical and mental health.Forgiveness is the stuff of everyday heroes, the ultimate measure of internal peace.
Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.Forgiveness takes time because it is a very powerful medicine which can heal deep wounds of our life.Forgiveness doesn’t change the past but it can enlarge the future.It is the light to happiness with wings ,which as the ability to fly .The act of forgiveness is divine.
Forgiveness can be a gift to yourself or to others, it may be something you receive, but it can also be a quality that describes a relationship where one must be capable of self-forgiveness in order to forgive others.If God loves you and forgives all your mistakes each time ,why can’t you love and forgive others and yourself.
Let me tell you all a story : Once upon a time some students went to a scholar for their studies and the very first assignment the scholar gave them was to load potatoes as the number of people whom they can never forgive in their life in a bag .Keeping the condition that rest of their studies should be along with the mount of bags . So most of the students have two or three bags full of potatoes . For the first day it was ok for the students but when the wheel of the time passed the bag of potatoes became so heavy and started to stink.Out of this many students started to many physical and mental problems like vomiting and nausea.
So from the story it is very clear that forgiving others is the only way you can drop the rotten stinky potatoes out of your life.To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.Drop your burden’s down ,be free and fly high !
Years before , the only time I saw my father crying was the day I saw huge screws and pins pierced into his right leg due an accident . He was not able to walk nor sit .He always laid on bed by burying all the pain inside. Doctors suggested a year of rest but he ignored it , to make us secure and started to work within two months with the screws inside his legs .This led to even worser situation where his screws was not able to take out due to the conjoinment. Still my father bear the pain of these screws . I have witnessed my father’s struggle to keep our life so secure, even in his worst health situations.This scenario made me think that why every poets and religions always praise mothers more than fathers ?
Ultimately years after , at the time of my pregnancy the mystery behind all my thoughts was resolved. For me ,the first trimester was horrible with vomiting and fatigue . This made me realize that all the facts I heard of pregnancy was fault .The common false fact is that pregnant women eat a lot .I could not even drink a glass of water on my entire pregnancy journey due to the metallic taste in my mouth(also known as dysgeusia) . Second trimester was the stage where the demon came – Back pain. And the third trimester was physically and emotionally challenging due to the fear of delivery pain.Altogether in a nutshell my pregnancy journey was worse with vomiting, back pain, sleepless nights and the list goes on .
But the only relaxing false fact that kept me fighting during my pregnancy journey was that once the baby comes out of my belly all my problems will be solved.But I never knew that the real problems are on the way . As my pregnancy and delivery journey was along with Covid19 only I ,husband and grandma was present at my house . As new parents we both were a big zero at parenting.I was not even knowing what all things should I take to hospital during the time of delivery. Thanks to Google and Youtube for been such an amazing doubt clearing partner during my pre and post delivery. Due to under weight of my baby , my delivery was normal with no issues.But the first time breastfeeding ,latching , diaper changing ,bathing along with delivery stitch pain, presented me with postpartum depression . “How will a women undergo depression when she is with her baby after her delivery ?” this was my thought, when I was in my psychology class at my postpartum depression lesson. Taking psychology class after my BTech was one my best decisions that made me fight throughout my postpartum depression.
There were many situations just after my delivery where my inner soul of a mother waked my unhealthy body just to keep my baby secure . There was a situation where I was fully collapsed and was hospitalised for medical aid due to urine infection. In between my medical aid I was sudden awake only to feed my baby .Another situation was the time of my first PMS after my delivery; where I was at the bridge of collapsing but there too my inner soul of a mother fought throughout the day to secure my baby beyond my period cramps.There were months and months of sleepless nights in which the only fact that stood me alive was the the magical love of a mother. And this love is never made ,but it is an automatic reaction of a women who risk her life bearing 57 del of pain(a human body can bear only up-to 45 del of pain) which is equivalent to fracturing 20 bones at a time.
Coming to a conclusion, I am writing this blog not explain about the hardship I faced during my motherhood but to convey the message that ” Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried job since the payment is pure love ” So love and support your mother because they risked their life to secure your life! Of cause a father also struggles for his family ,equally or more as a mother do ,but he can take off or take rest at some point of life . Whereas mother is a walking miracle who is always the backbone of a family, she will never and ever take rest because of the inextinguishable light of love lit in her heart by the almighty!
Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW) is the most beautifully created ,stunning, radiant ,finely made human ever lived on earth .From afar ,Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW) had the most striking and outstanding in appearance and when he came near the best of them and the most handsome of them in closeness . Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW ) was mind-baggily handsome. But his handsomeness was covered in dignity, majesty and reverence .One of the Sahaba said ” When we used to sit at his feet two feelings conflicts in heart. The first one, you wanted to look at him,you wanted to behold the majesty of his face. And you wanted to look up,shyness used to overtake you so you used look down”. Amar Bin’As says that” I sat with him many times but if you ask me to describe his face I can’t describe it and I was not be able to look at him out of his majesty and reverence”.It was difficult to penetrate the awe and the splendor of the Rasool.
Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW) words were like jewels coming out of a necklace ; calculated, polished one after the other it would flow magically. Such an exalted and sweet level of logic words flowed out of himlike when he used to speak it was coherently logical and which was smooth and easy to understand which had a natural echo. When he was silent dignity covered him and when he spoke it was audible and clear. Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW) talked to the point ,not excessive nor too short. He was the stream of kindness which he reflected through his words like “Be Kind, for whenever kindness becomes part of something, it beautifies it.Whenever it is taken from something, it leaves it tarnished.”
When we sail back to the history of the world there are only a few men who supported women for their rights . One among them is , greatest of all, Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW).Once a man went to Rasool with tears and said “Ya Rasool before I embraced Islam I have killed my daughter out of my fear for my tradition and culture of society “.Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW) with tears in his eyes replied to him that “If Allah allow me to punish anyone on earth then I would have started with you”.Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW) is the one who taught the world with the knowledge that “However much the faith of a man increases, his regard for women increases.”Rasool used to say to his Sahabas that “Take care of your precious pearls;your daughters and your wives , have kindness towards your wife and be patient with them “.Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW) also added that “When your wife makes mistakes then just remember the good things that she had done and overcome with that and forgive her “.
I , myself , Rizwana Abdul Salam had a past in which I cursed myself for putting my soul inside a cage that is created by me itself and blaming Almighty for creating me as a girl. Without knowing the immense power of a woman who is the immense reservoir of potentials that can never end . Instead I always admired about the power and strength of a man. There was nights where I dreamt about me changing to a boy and releasing my soul from the cage which I , myself has built around. I thought myself as a bird without wings. Instead of working hard to achieve my dreams I was sitting and blaming myself . Each time I was promising myself that because I am born as a girl , I am weak and if I go behind my dreams definitely I will fail ; a mass failure that will lead to death . Every night while going to bed I used to pray to Almighty to turn me to a boy when I wake up the next day . The next day I used to cry aloud by looking into the mirror and realising that I am still a girl without wings who is eager to fly like an eagle at higher sky.
When I reached my puberty , things went even worst . My period cramps kept me cursing myself being a girl .My period cramps was so painful that I missed most of my school functions and exams due to the fear of overflow . During my periods I was constantly tensed to go out, fearing that my dress my spot blood and others will make fun of me. I feared to ask a pad to a male shopkeeper . I feared to carry a pad in my bag fearing that my male friends would spot it . I again and again cursed myself without knowing the importance of puberty or motherhood. At times I was so jealous of boys ,who never and ever need to know the pain of period cramps or pregnancy .And of course like other girls I too was so feared in getting pregnant where we should bear the pain of 57 Unit of pain where a human can bear only 45 Unit of pain . And this 57 Unit of pain was equal to 20 bones getting fractured at a time. Getting pregnant was one of my nightmares.
During the time when I completed my 12th grade from Muscat I was in a process to settle in India . And the very next day I am hearing the newspread of Delhi Gang Rape in which a 23-year-old female was beaten, gang raped, and tortured in a private bus in which she was travelling with her friend. Medical reports later said that she suffered serious injuries to her abdomen, intestines and genitals due to the assault, and doctors said that the damage indicated that a blunt object (suspected to be the iron rod) may have been used for penetration. That rod was later described by police as being a rusted, L-shaped implement of the type used as a wheel jack handle. Here raised my next fear the fear of sexual abuse .I was so scared and I was constantly thinking about the pain that the 23 year old female went through when an iron rod was inserted to her genitals.This fear haunted me like a demon throughout my life. This fear made a bigger cage around me . I was scared to get out from my house alone moreover to travel in a public bus . I was in a dilemma whether to settle in India or to go back to Muscat where sexual abuse was so rare as they have a very good and fast system of punishment .But something pulled me back is the fact that India was my motherland and as every other human being I too love to stay at my homeland. But the cage became stronger and stronger when many cases of sexual abuse was filed in India and where punishments took a long period of time.
When the wheel of the time passed by a small wings was sprouting in me . It may be due to the strength I got from my courageous mom who is is a very successful business woman along with my dad; who is the greatest man in the world I have ever seen who gave all the support to my mother in her career. Or by hearing hundreds of speeches addressed by Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey who went on working hard to fulfill their dreams of educating the world wide girls as they believed that educating girls makes a better and stronger communities around the world. Day by day my wings started growing but the trouble was that I don’t know how to fly . If my wings was built by great womens like my Mom, Michaela Obama , Oprah Winfrey , Kamala Surayya etc… etc where the list never ends the one who taught me to fly was my dad and my husband. They both supported me in each and every nook and corner on the path to my dreams. My dad was the person who supported me to built my career as a Software Engineer and my husband was the person who supported me to chase my dreams on the path of psychology . Both of them as a very big role on helping me to overcome my fears .
Once I was cursing myself of being a women and now I am proud to be a women . What made me so ? Of Course my family has a great role but apart from my family , it may be the light that entered to my life through the wounds that my life has granted me.What I have learned from FEAR is that fear is nothing but an entrance exam in your life to face the reality and it is an energy drink that can rise you to your potential. I overcame my fear by letting it go and as well as by helping others to let their fears to vanish into nowhere .I was feared; on being a girl but now I came out from the cocoon with fully developed wings that made me fly with the proudness of being a women.
Once, one of my psychology trainer quoted that a person should only be passionate in “A DREAM” and not in “MANY DREAMS”. And he reminded me either to put software engineering nor psychology down so that I can concentrate on a particular DREAM and I would be fully accomplished on my particular Dream with all my energy.This statement may be true or false . But it ruined my sleep for days and weeks . And I came to a conclusion that “I am a woman , a woman is always multitasking ….as a mother, as a sister , as a wife , as a daughter , as a student , as an employ and the list goes on … Then why can’t I add some more duties to my list ? Of Course I can because I am a woman , the reservoir of endless energy . I maybe slow in accomplishing my duties but definitely will do them all . If I , my mom and every other women on earth can do her household and workplace duties with her periods or bearing her baby in her womb with immense pain and discomfort then what else to say ? We are capable of multitasking even in pain and without taking a day’s leave , that is the respect given by the mother nature to women around the globe .”
Man maybe stronger than women . I do agree with that but if you want to know the strength of a woman go and grab her child , the immense tank of strength will overflow within her that could destroy everything on earth to protect her child .This too is a respect given by the mother nature to women around the globe . Nature has not only given this respect to human beings but to all feminine living beings . Go and grab a puppy from a mother dog , you will understand the inner meaning of my statement . I end by saying that ” Women need not want respect from men , because she is always respected by the mother nature the only thing she needs is the support to fly higher and higher ………….”
Perhaps the most important insight to be gained from the perception demonstration is in the area of paradigm take him shifting what we might call the”Aha” experience when someone finally sees the composite picture in another way. The more bound a person is by the initial perception, the more powerful the “Aha” experience is. It is as though a light were suddenly turned on inside.Not all but a paradigms are in positive direction.But whether the shift as in positive or negative directions whether they are instantaneous or developmental ,paradigm shifts move us from one way of seeing the world to another. And those shifts create powerful change.Our paradigms correct or incorrect are the sources of our attitudes and behaviors and ultimately a relationship with others.
Now I will tell you a small story , Once on a subway people were sitting quietly in a calm and peaceful scene. Suddenly a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and hence the peaceful surroundings changed. The man sat down and closed his eyes ,apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth ,throwing things . It was very disturbing. And yet ,the man did nothing. Everyone was feeling irritated and the man had no responsibility at all on the misbehavior of the children. One of them on the subway who was out of patience said to the man that “Sir your children are really disturbing a lot of people I wonder if you could not control them a little more?”. The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of situation for the first time and said softly “Oh, you are right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I do not know how to handle it either.”
Here at first the story gave us a small frame of paradigm and at last the frame was extended or more precisely saying the paradigm shift happened at the ending the story. Similarly our society gave us a small piece of frame and we are the one who need to extend that frame ,if not you can never satisfy your soul and passion .Our society build a mold to us , and currently we are just flowing to it but when paradigm shift happens to us we see the world differently, feel differently and behave differently which may lead you a new world of desires and passion.That means we need to break the mold of our society and leak to the inner world of your heart . Many people experienced a similar fundamental shift in thinking when they face a life-threatening crises and suddenly see their priorities in a different light or when they suddenly step into a new role.
When we start to see the world differently through the paradigm shift then spontaneously and phenomenally our attitude and behaviour also changes. It becomes obvious that if we want to make a relatively minor changes in our lives we can perhaps appropriately focus on our attitude and behaviours. But if we want to make significant, quantum change, we need to work on a basic paradigms.
In the words of Thoreau “For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil,there is one striking at the root”.We can only achieve quantum improvements in our lives as we quit hacking up the leaves of attitude and behavior and get to work on the root, the paradigms from which our attitudes and behaviors flow. Paradigms are inseparable from character. Being is seeing in the human dimension. And we see is highly interrelated to what we are.We can’t go very far and change our seeing without stimulation changing our being ,and vice versa .Paradigms are powerful because they create the lens through which we see the world.The power of paradigm shift is the essential power of quantum change ,whether that shift is an instantaneous order slow and deliberate process.So its high time to flow out of the social mold . Flow out , Explore Yourself , Listen to your heart and make differences around you ,Make your own lens and see the world through your eyes rather than peeping through the mold created by our society.