Inspirational Motivation, Motivation


Years before , the only time I saw my father crying was the day I saw huge screws and pins pierced into his right leg due an accident . He was not able to walk nor sit .He always laid on bed by burying all the pain inside. Doctors suggested a year of rest but he ignored it , to make us secure and started to work within two months with the screws inside his legs .This led to even worser situation where his screws was not able to take out due to the conjoinment. Still my father bear the pain of these screws . I have witnessed my father’s struggle to keep our life so secure, even in his worst health situations.This scenario made me think that why every poets and religions always praise mothers more than fathers ?

Ultimately years after , at the time of my pregnancy the mystery behind all my thoughts was resolved. For me ,the first trimester was horrible with vomiting and fatigue . This made me realize that all the facts I heard of pregnancy was fault .The common false fact is that pregnant women eat a lot .I could not even drink a glass of water on my entire pregnancy journey due to the metallic taste in my mouth(also known as dysgeusia) . Second trimester was the stage where the demon came – Back pain. And the third trimester was physically and emotionally challenging due to the fear of delivery pain.Altogether in a nutshell my pregnancy journey was worse with vomiting, back pain, sleepless nights and the list goes on .

But the only relaxing false fact that kept me fighting during my pregnancy journey was that once the baby comes out of my belly all my problems will be solved.But I never knew that the real problems are on the way . As my pregnancy and delivery journey was along with Covid19 only I ,husband and grandma was present at my house . As new parents we both were a big zero at parenting.I was not even knowing what all things should I take to hospital during the time of delivery. Thanks to Google and Youtube for been such an amazing doubt clearing partner during my pre and post delivery. Due to under weight of my baby , my delivery was normal with no issues.But the first time breastfeeding ,latching , diaper changing ,bathing along with delivery stitch pain, presented me with postpartum depression . “How will a women undergo depression when she is with her baby after her delivery ?” this was my thought, when I was in my psychology class at my postpartum depression lesson. Taking psychology class after my BTech was one my best decisions that made me fight throughout my postpartum depression.

There were many situations just after my delivery where my inner soul of a mother waked my unhealthy body just to keep my baby secure . There was a situation where I was fully collapsed and was hospitalised for medical aid due to urine infection. In between my medical aid I was sudden awake only to feed my baby .Another situation was the time of my first PMS after my delivery; where I was at the bridge of collapsing but there too my inner soul of a mother fought throughout the day to secure my baby beyond my period cramps.There were months and months of sleepless nights in which the only fact that stood me alive was the the magical love of a mother. And this love is never made ,but it is an automatic reaction of a women who risk her life bearing 57 del of pain(a human body can bear only up-to 45 del of pain) which is equivalent to fracturing 20 bones at a time.

Coming to a conclusion, I am writing this blog not explain about the hardship I faced during my motherhood but to convey the message that ” Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried job since the payment is pure love ” So love and support your mother because they risked their life to secure your life! Of cause a father also struggles for his family ,equally or more as a mother do ,but he can take off or take rest at some point of life . Whereas mother is a walking miracle who is always the backbone of a family, she will never and ever take rest because of the inextinguishable light of love lit in her heart by the almighty!


Inspirational Motivation, Motivation

Most Finely Made Human Ever Lived On Earth!

Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW) is the most beautifully created ,stunning, radiant ,finely made human ever lived on earth .From afar ,Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW) had the most striking and outstanding in appearance and when he came near the best of them and the most handsome of them in closeness . Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW ) was mind-baggily handsome. But his handsomeness was covered in dignity, majesty and reverence .One of the  Sahaba said ” When we used to sit at his feet two feelings conflicts in heart. The first one, you wanted to look at him,you wanted to behold the majesty of his face. And you wanted to look up,shyness used to overtake you so you used look down”. Amar Bin’As says that” I sat with him many times but if you ask me to describe his face I can’t describe it and I was not be able to look at him out of his majesty and reverence”.It was difficult to penetrate the awe and the splendor of the Rasool.

Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW) words were like jewels coming out of a necklace ; calculated, polished one after the other it would flow magically. Such an exalted and sweet level of logic words flowed out of himlike when he used to speak it was coherently logical and which was smooth and easy to understand which had a natural echo. When he was silent dignity covered him and when he spoke it was audible and clear. Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW) talked to the point ,not excessive nor too short. He was the stream of kindness which he reflected through his words like “Be Kind, for whenever kindness becomes part of something, it beautifies it.Whenever it is taken from something, it leaves it tarnished.”

When we sail back to the history of the world there are only a few men who supported women for their rights . One among them is , greatest of all, Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW).Once a man went to Rasool with tears and said “Ya Rasool before I embraced Islam I have killed my daughter out of my fear for my  tradition and culture of society “.Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW) with tears in his eyes replied to him that “If Allah allow me to punish anyone on earth then I would have started with you”.Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW) is the one who taught the world with the knowledge that “However much the faith of a man increases, his regard for women increases.”Rasool used to say to his Sahabas that “Take care of your precious pearls;your daughters and your wives , have kindness towards your wife and be patient with them “.Prophet Muhammad Nabi (SAW) also added that “When your wife makes mistakes then just remember the good things that she had done and overcome with that and forgive her “.

Book, Inspirational Motivation

The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People : Introduction

  • The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People is a self improvement book written by Stephen R Covey.
  • According to Covey there are some concepts that help us to achieve these Seven Habits .They Are :
  1. PARADIGM : Means model,theory,perception,assumption.In general sense,paradigm is the way we “see” the world – not in terms of visual sense of light but in terms of perceiving and understanding.
  2. PARADIGM SHIFT : The fundamental change in assumption(paradigm).
  3. INSIDE-OUT : Means to start first with self.
  4. PRINCIPLES : Are not values but they are natural laws that can’t be broken.
  • Paradigms are powerful because they create the lens through which we see the world.
  • The power of paradigm shift is the essential of quantum change,whether that shift ia an istaneous order,slow and deliberate process.
  • Convey has clearly put on the concept of paradigm and paradigm shift in front of readers in the form of a picture shown below.

  • He then asks the readers to identify the age of the women in picture. Most of the  readers assumes(paradigm) the women’s age as 25 .
  • But when we closely observe the picture changes to a old lady of age 80.This change or shift from a women of 25 to 80 or vice – versa is known as paradigm shift.
  • Here the picture depicts how powerfully  our paradigms affect the way we see the world and people around us.

Inspirational Motivation, Motivation

The Respect Given By The Mother Nature to a Woman

I , myself , Rizwana Abdul Salam had a past in which I cursed myself for putting my soul inside a cage that is created by me itself and blaming Almighty for creating me as a girl. Without knowing the immense power of a woman who is the immense reservoir of potentials that can never end . Instead I always admired about the power and strength of a man. There was nights where I dreamt about me changing to a boy and releasing my soul from the cage which I , myself has built around. I thought myself as a bird without wings. Instead of working hard to achieve my dreams I was sitting and blaming myself . Each time I was promising myself that because I am born as a girl , I am weak and if I go behind my dreams definitely I will fail ; a mass failure that will lead to death . Every night while going to bed I used to pray to Almighty to turn me to a boy when I wake up the next day . The next day I used to cry aloud by looking into the mirror and realising that I am still a girl without wings who is eager to fly like an eagle at higher sky.

When I reached my puberty , things went even worst . My period cramps kept me cursing myself being a girl .My period cramps was so painful that I missed most of my school functions and exams due to the fear of overflow . During my periods I was constantly tensed to go out, fearing that my dress my spot blood and others will make fun of me. I feared to ask a pad to a male shopkeeper . I feared to carry a pad in my bag fearing that my male friends would spot it . I again and again cursed myself without knowing the importance of puberty or motherhood. At times I was so jealous of boys ,who never and ever need to know the pain of period cramps or pregnancy .And of course like other girls I too was so feared in getting pregnant where we should bear the pain of 57 Unit of pain where a human can bear only 45 Unit of pain . And this 57 Unit of pain was equal to 20 bones getting fractured at a time. Getting pregnant was one of my nightmares.

During the time when I completed my 12th grade from Muscat I was in a process to settle in India . And the very next day I am hearing the newspread of Delhi Gang Rape in which a 23-year-old female was beaten, gang raped, and tortured in a private bus in which she was travelling with her friend. Medical reports later said that she suffered serious injuries to her abdomen, intestines and genitals due to the assault, and doctors said that the damage indicated that a blunt object (suspected to be the iron rod) may have been used for penetration. That rod was later described by police as being a rusted, L-shaped implement of the type used as a wheel jack handle. Here raised my next fear the fear of sexual abuse .I was so scared and I was constantly thinking about the pain that the 23 year old female went through when an iron rod was inserted to her genitals.This fear haunted me like a demon throughout my life. This fear made a bigger cage around me . I was scared to get out from my house alone moreover to travel in a public bus . I was in a dilemma whether to settle in India or to go back to Muscat where sexual abuse was so rare as they have a very good and fast system of punishment .But something pulled me back is the fact that India was my motherland and as every other human being I too love to stay at my homeland. But the cage became stronger and stronger when many cases of sexual abuse was filed in India and where punishments took a long period of time.

When the wheel of the time passed by a small wings was sprouting in me . It may be due to the strength I got from my courageous mom who is is a very successful business woman along with my dad; who is the greatest man in the world I have ever seen who gave all the support to my mother in her career. Or by hearing hundreds of speeches addressed by Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey who went on working hard to fulfill their dreams of educating the world wide girls as they believed that educating girls makes a better and stronger communities around the world. Day by day my wings started growing but the trouble was that I don’t know how to fly . If my wings was built by great womens like my Mom, Michaela Obama , Oprah Winfrey , Kamala Surayya etc… etc where the list never ends the one who taught me to fly was my dad and my husband. They both supported me in each and every nook and corner on the path to my dreams. My dad was the person who supported me to built my career as a Software Engineer and my husband was the person who supported me to chase my dreams on the path of psychology . Both of them as a very big role on helping me to overcome my fears .

Once I was cursing myself of being a women and now I am proud to be a women . What made me so ? Of Course my family has a great role but apart from my family , it may be the light that entered to my life through the wounds that my life has granted me.What I have learned from FEAR is that fear is nothing but an entrance exam in your life to face the reality and it is an energy drink that can rise you to your potential. I overcame my fear by letting it go and as well as by helping others to let their fears to vanish into nowhere .I was feared; on being a girl but now I came out from the cocoon with fully developed wings that made me fly with the proudness of being a women.

Once, one of my psychology trainer quoted that a person should only be passionate in “A DREAM” and not in “MANY DREAMS”. And he reminded me either to put software engineering nor psychology down so that I can concentrate on a particular DREAM and I would be fully accomplished on my particular Dream with all my energy.This statement may be true or false . But it ruined my sleep for days and weeks . And I came to a conclusion that “I am a woman , a woman is always multitasking ….as a mother, as a sister , as a wife , as a daughter , as a student , as an employ and the list goes on … Then why can’t I add some more duties to my list ? Of Course I can because I am a woman , the reservoir of endless energy . I maybe slow in accomplishing my duties but definitely will do them all . If I , my mom and every other women on earth can do her household and workplace duties with her periods or bearing her baby in her womb with immense pain and discomfort then what else to say ? We are capable of multitasking even in pain and without taking a day’s leave , that is the respect given by the mother nature to women around the globe .”

Man maybe stronger than women . I do agree with that but if you want to know the strength of a woman go and grab her child , the immense tank of strength will overflow within her that could destroy everything on earth to protect her child .This too is a respect given by the mother nature to women around the globe . Nature has not only given this respect to human beings but to all feminine living beings . Go and grab a puppy from a mother dog , you will understand the inner meaning of my statement . I end by saying that ” Women need not want respect from men , because she is always respected by the mother nature the only thing she needs is the support to fly higher and higher ………….”

Inspirational Motivation, Motivation

We the Social Molds! – Part 3 – PARADIGM SHIFT

Perhaps the most important insight to be gained from the perception demonstration is in  the area of paradigm take him shifting what we might call the”Aha” experience when someone finally sees the composite picture in another way. The more bound a person is by the initial perception, the more powerful the “Aha” experience is. It is as though a light were suddenly turned on inside.Not all but a paradigms are in positive direction.But whether the shift as in positive or negative directions whether they are instantaneous or developmental ,paradigm shifts move us from one way of seeing the world to another. And those shifts create powerful change.Our paradigms correct or incorrect are the sources of our attitudes and behaviors and ultimately a relationship with others.

Now I will tell you a small story , Once on a subway people were sitting quietly in  a calm and peaceful scene. Suddenly a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were  so loud and hence the peaceful surroundings changed. The man sat down  and closed his eyes ,apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back  and forth ,throwing things . It was very disturbing. And yet ,the man did nothing. Everyone was feeling  irritated and the man had no responsibility at all on the misbehavior of the children. One of them on the subway who was out of patience said to the man that “Sir your children are really disturbing a lot of people I wonder if you could not control them a little more?”. The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of situation for the first time and said softly “Oh, you are right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I do not know how to handle it either.”

Here at first the story gave us a small frame of paradigm and at last the frame was extended or more precisely saying the paradigm shift happened at the ending the story. Similarly our society gave us a small piece of frame and we are the one who need to extend that frame ,if not you can never satisfy your soul and passion .Our society build a mold to us , and currently we are just flowing to it but when paradigm shift happens to us we see the world differently, feel differently and behave differently which may lead you a new world of desires and passion.That means we need to break the mold of our society and leak to the inner world of your  heart . Many people experienced a similar fundamental shift in thinking when they  face a life-threatening crises and suddenly see their priorities in a different light or when they suddenly step into a new role.

When we start to see the world differently through the paradigm shift then spontaneously and phenomenally our attitude and behaviour also changes. It becomes obvious that if we want to make a relatively minor changes in our lives we can perhaps appropriately focus on our attitude and behaviours. But if we want to make significant, quantum change, we need to work on a basic paradigms.

In the words of Thoreau “For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil,there is one striking at the root”.We can only achieve quantum improvements in our lives as we quit hacking up the leaves of  attitude and behavior and get to work on the root, the paradigms  from which our attitudes and behaviors flow. Paradigms  are inseparable from character. Being is seeing in the human dimension. And we see is highly interrelated to what we are.We can’t go very far and change our seeing without stimulation  changing our being ,and vice versa .Paradigms are powerful  because they create the lens through which we see the world.The power of paradigm shift is the essential power of quantum change ,whether that shift is an instantaneous order slow and deliberate process.So its high time to flow out of the social mold . Flow out , Explore Yourself , Listen to your heart and make differences around you ,Make your own lens and see the world through your eyes rather than peeping through the mold created by our society.

Inspirational Motivation, Motivation

We the Social Molds! – Part 2 – PARADIGMS

Our society and of course we have a presetted mind or say Paradigm ,which means model, theory ,perception,assumption or frame of reference.In general sense Paradigm the way we “see” the world – not in terms of  our visual sense of light,but in terms of perceiving,understanding,interpreting.Or in simple terms we can assume paradigm as a map which is a theory ,an explanation ,or model of something else.Each of them as many maps in our head,which can be divided into two main categories : maps of the ways things are or realities, and maps of the way things should be or values.We interpret everything we experience through these mental maps .We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be. The way we see things is the source of the way we think and the way we act.

Now going back to the picture . Do you see a women about 25 years ? – very lovely ,rather fashionable with a petite nose and a demure presence.But what if I were to tell that you’re wrong? What if I said this picture is of a woman in her 60’s and 70’s who looks sad  and has a huge nose.Look at the picture below you will understand.

These pictures show,first of all,how powerfully conditioning affects our perceptions ,our paradigms.If a few seconds can have that kind of  impact on the way we see things ,what about conditioning for a lifetime ?The influences in our lives all have made their silent unconscious impact on us and help shape our frame of reference, our paradigms, our maps.It also shows that theses paradigms are the source of our attitudes and behaviors.We cannot act with integrity outside of them.To try to change the outward attitudes and behaviour does very little good in long run if we fail to examine and focus the basic paradigm from which those attitudes and behaviour flow.

This perception pictures also shows how powerfully our paradigms affect the way we interact with other people.We see the world , not as it is,but as we are or as we are conditioned to see it.When we open our mouths to describe what we see ,we in affect  describe ourselves,our paradigms ,pour perceptions.Different people see things differently through their unique lens of experience And this lens itself shapes how we interpret the world ! Here what happened was;  our lens was focused on a frame that is is framed by a society and hence we never and ever had a chance to glance at our own paradigms that came deep from our inner soul .Or in simple words we have conditioned our lens in such a way that it only fits to the social paradigms. Or we can say that we ourselves suppressed our paradigms to fit into the frame to our society by leaving our own passion and motive far behind .What did you gain from it ?

Inspirational Motivation, Motivation

We the Social Molds ! – Part 1 – INTRODUCTION

We all are an outcome of a social mold ? Am I right ? Just think for  a moment we all may be successful at the education that we have gained and the profession we are working on. But did you keep something very far behind ? Check your old wardrobe or your autograph books to get the answer for that . You may find some of your old paintings that brought back your immense love for colours , or an old picture of your dance and made your body to float in air, or a notepad where you scribled your poem of your heart  and the list goes on. These all were you passions . Once these passions were your dreams that did not allow you to sleep. But what have you done ? Not “you” but “we” which includes me  and we were poured into a social mold that would never be spilled out or more precisely saying, we were poured into the mold of doctors and engineers of our society .Think ! When passion becomes your work your work becomes more enjoyable and satisfactory with unextinguished energy .

There are layers and layers of potential that be realized only at our own pace and speed.But instead of finding our or potential or passion we just clone our own image to the social expectation.We manipulate ourselves into acceptable social mold without any leakage.Are you happy with yourself ? Does final output of your mold make you happy ?I  don’t know how many of them, at least for once ; asked yourself that “If I am satisfied with what I am doing ?” or  How many of them kept their promises done to their selves ?

Remember making an keeping promises to ourselves precedes making and keeping promises to other ot to the world !

First and foremost we should have a ” Inside-Out ” approach in our life . Inside-Out means to start first with ourselves ; even more fundamentally , to start with the most inside part of self – with your paradigms , your character  and your passions .Primarily give importance to yourself then secondary to the society .If you want secondary greatness of recognised talent, focus first on primary greatness of yourself.Inside-Out approach says that private victories precede public victories and it is continuing process of renewal based on the natural laws that govern human growth and progress . Its an upward spiral of growth that leads to progressively higher forms of responsible independendence and effective interdependence.

Inside-Out is a dramatic paradigm shift for most people , largely because of powerful impact of conditioning and the current social paradigm of the personality Ethic .Our passions and our motives are already deep within us in our conscience and our common sense, to recognize and develop them and to use them in meeting our deepest concerns, we need to think differently , to shift our paradigms to new , deeper , “Inside-Out” level. So now you all have a doubt on what is paradigm and paradigm shift ? Before going into paradigm and paradigm shift just look at the picture below and say what the picture is .

Put your answer in your mind and let us continue in Part 2.

Inspirational Motivation, Motivation

The only person on earth who can motivate you !

There is only one person on earth who will always stand with you , no matter how hard the situation is or how happy the situation is , definitely he will stand with you ,not with sympathy but with empathy.He is only one person who can understand your deep inner feelings and act upon that . The only person who understands you mistakes and try to correct them . The only person who fills the energy of your fuel tank .The person who don’t care about your imperfections or weakness and instead focuses on your strength to cover your weakness.The only person to whom you can spill out your feelings without a fear of disclosing to others. The person who will there with you from birth to death.It’s none other than you itself !

Ever thought of yourself ? Did you ever talked to yourself ? Did you ever asked yourself that what you want ? Is yourself happy or not ? This is life where we do not have time to talk and hear  ourselves instead we complain to the world that nobody is hearing me or talking to me .We dont keep the promises to ourselves but we are busy running to keep other’s promises.We don’t have time to dig our deep passions but we have time to attend motivational classes to create a passion. We refer many motivational books, watch many motivational videos and we never have time to implement them.We make time to hear advices from others but we don’t have time to listen ourselves without knowing the the fact that the biggest motivator in our life lies inside us !

To trace the source of motivation, let’s begin in the brain where neurotransmitters spark chemical messages to keep us alert and on task. Neurotransmitters carry chemical messages that play out in your brain and affect the rest of your body.One neurotransmitter that plays a role in the science of motivation is dopamine.We normally associate dopamine with pleasure, but it has a far wider effect than that. Dopamine has been found to fire before a reward is given, in addition to showing up in times of stress, pain, loss or pleasure. As a result, dopamine levels are now believed to be strongly linked with motivation. 

Motivation happens when your dopamine spikes because you anticipate something important is about to happen. Example you sit in a motivational class and your dopamine gets boosted by the words of the speaker.But the day after the class  we no longer feel motivated .It’s because of the dropped level of domine .If you need to keep the spike level of dopamine you need to train your brain each and everyday .The brain can be trained to feed off of bursts of dopamine sparked by rewarding experiences. You create the dopamine environment, and the brain does the rest.So who will train your brain ?Is it possible for the speaker of the motivational class to come to you all the day and train your brain. It’s impossible ! The person who can train your brain each and everyday is you itself !

Then the very next question arises .From where you will get the energy to motivate you all he day to rest of your life . This answer lies within you .You just need to listen to it. Your energy is your passion . The most important factor that makes a person to live on earth is his energy which is known as the passion.The fuel tank of your energy is situated inside you and neither the tank is empty nor it is full . If empty then you should fill it and if full then try to energise it more.For filling the tank or energising the tank there are some developmental stages and these developmental stages are in all of our lives , there are sequential stages of growth and development.We sometimes look for a shortcut,expecting to be able to skip some of these vital  steps in order to save time and effort and still reap the desired result.It is simply impossible to violate,ignore ,or shortcut this development process.It is contrary to nature,and attempting to seek such a shortcut only results in disappointment and frustration.

During the course of this developmental stages we may taste failure . During these failures ,don’t borrow strength from others.Because borrowing strength from others builds weakness in us.It builds weakness in the borrower because it reinforces dependence on external factors to get things done.It builds weakness in the person forced to acquince , stunting the development of independent reasoning, growth , and the internal discipline . And this borrowed strength us like Band-Aid that can be flown into air at any time .

The borrowed strength at the time of our failure is like medicine that we borrow from others with same symptoms. Without knowing the root cause of our failure  we eat the medicine which was prescribed for others for their root cause with same symptoms of ours but that root cause may have nothing to do with ours .So when we taste failure it’s  our duty is to dig deep into that failure to find out the root cause and to prescribe the correct medicine  . This duty is done by our inner motivator . He is the only person who is able to beat the pain that failure has brought to us because he knows the depth of our pain and the feeling of our emotion since he lies inside us . So love yourself ! Yourself is the only person on earth who will never and ever cheat you and the only person who will stay along with you even though the whole world is against you !

Book, Inspirational Motivation

Chapter 4 : How to motivate the opposite

Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed...
Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.

When a man does not feel needed in a relationship, he gradually becomes passive and less energized; with each passing day he has less to give the relationship. When he feels trusted to do his best to fulfill her needs and appreciated for his efforts, he is empowered and has more to give.

When a woman does not feel cherished in a relationship she gradually becomes compulsively responsible and exhausted from giving too much. When she feels cared for and respected, she is fulfilled and has more to give as well.


Let’s introduce the win/lose philosophy – I want to win and I don’t care if you lose. This win/lose attitude becomes harmful in our adult relationships. If i seek to fulfill my own needs at the expense of my partner, we are sure to experience unhappiness, resentment and conflict. The secret of forming a successful relationship is for both partners to win.

“We need you, Your power and strength can bring us great fulfillment, filling a void deep within our being. Together we could live in great happiness.”

This invitation motivates and empowers the Martians. Once in a relatinoship and as the problems begin to emerge, Venusians do not know how important that message still is to the Martians and neglect to send it. The Martians were no longer satisfied by just proving themselves and developing their power. They wanted to use their power and skills in the service of others. Slowly, a win/win philosophy was developed and the Martians wanted a world where everyone cared for themselves as well as for others.


When a man is in love he is motivated to be the best he can be in order to serve others. When his heart is open, he feels so confident in himself that he is capable of making major changes. Only when he feels he cannot succeed does he regress back to his old selfish ways.

When a man is in love, he begins to care about another as much as himself. He can easily endure any hardship to make her happy because her happiness makes him happy.


Most men have little awareness of how important it is to a woman to feel supported by someone who cares. Women are happy when they believe their needs will be met. When a woman is upset, overwhelmed, confused, exhausted, or hopeless what she needs most is simple companionship. She needs to feel she is not alone. She needs to feel loved and cherished.

Martian instincts tell them it’s best to be alone when Venusians are upset. When she is upset, out of respect he will leave her alone, or if he stays he makes matters worse by trying to solve her problems. He does no instinctively realize how very important closeness, intimacy, and sharing are to her. What she needs most is just someone to listen.


Venusians just want to relax and just be taken care of for a while. They live by a lose/win philosophy – “I lose so that you can win.” As long as everyone made sacrifices for others, then everyone was taken care of. But Venusians got tired of always caring about one another and sharing everything. They were also ready for a win/win philosophy.


When a woman gives too much she should not blame her partner. Similarly, a man who gives less should not blame his partner for being negative or unreceptive to him. Blaming doesn’t work. Understanding, trust, compassion, acceptance, and support are the solution, not blaming our partners.


A woman needs to recognize her boundaries of what she can give without resenting her partner. Instead of expecting her partner to even the score, she needs to keep it even by regulating how much she gives.

As a man experiences limits, he is motivaed to give more. Through respecting limits, he automatically is motivated to question the effectiveness of his behaviour patterns and to start making changes. When a woman realizes that in order to receive she needs to set limits, then automatically she begins to forgive her partner and explore new ways of asking for and receiving support. When a woman sets limits, she gradually learns to relax and receive more.


Ironically, men are primarily motivated by being needed, but are turned off by neediness. “Needing” is openly reaching out and asking for support from a man in a trusting manner, one that assumes that he will do his best. “Neediness” is desperately needing support because you don’t trust you will get it.

When the Venusian is ready the Martian will appear.
When a woman realizes that she truly deserves to be loved, she is opening the door for a man to give to her. Women, you don’t have to give more to have a better relationship. Your partner will actually give you more if you give less.

When she wakes up and remembers her needs, he also wakes up and wants to give her more.
If there has been a lot of neglect it may take a while truly to heal all the accumulated resentment, but it is possible. Quite often, when one partner makes a positive change, the other will also change. When we are truly ready to receive then what we need will become available.


A man’s deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent. Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving. TO extend himself in giving to others means to risk failure, correction and disapproval. He wants to give but is afraid he will fail, so he doesn’t try.

Ironically, when a man really cares a lot his fear of failure increases, and he gives less. When a man is insecure he may compensate by not caring about anybody except himself.

The first step for a man in learning how to give more is to realize that it is OK to make mistakes and it is OK to fail and that he doesnt have to have all the answers.


Just as women are sensitive to feeling rejected when they don’t get the attention they need, men are sensitive to feeling that they have failed when a woman talks about problems. That is why it is hard for him to listen sometimes. He wants to be her hero. When she is disappointed or unhappy over anything, he feels like a failure.

Book, Inspirational Motivation

Chapter 3 : Men go to their caves and women talk.

How men and women handle stress:

Men become increasingly focused and withdrawn while women become increasingly overwhelmed and emotionally involved. He feels better by solving problems while she feels better by talking about problems.


When a Martian gets upset he never talks about what is bothering him. Instead he becomes very quiet and goes to his private cave to think about his problem, mulling it over to find a solution. When he has found a solution, he feels much better and comes out of his cave. If he can’t find a solution then he does something to forget his problems, like reading the news or playing a game.Women generally do not understand how Martians cope with stress and hence she feels ignorant and hurt when men goes to his cave.

To feel better Martians go to their caves to solve problems alone.When a Venusian becomes upset or is stressed by her day, to find relief, she seeks out someone she trusts and then talks in great detail about the problems of her day.To feel better Venusians get together and openly talk about their problems.And these problems continuous in various topics and tends to be logically unrelated.When women talk about problems, men usually resist and assumes she is talking to him about the problems to make him hold the responsibilities.The more problems more he feels blamed.Here the man talk about problems to someone for two reasons : they are blaming someone or they are seeking advice.Hence if a women is really upset man assumes she is blaming him.If she seems less upset,then he assumes she is asking for advice.

A Venusian feels good about herself when she has loving friends with whom to share her feelings and problems. A Martian feels good when he can solve his problems on his own in his cave.

Women are Miss Chatty (Women talk and share about their problems and do not necessarily want solutions right away)


Martians, learn to respect that Venusians need to talk to feel better. Realise that a Venusian attack is only temporary and that soon, the Venusian will suddenly feel better and be very appreciative and accepting. Listening to a Venusian talk about problems could actually help you come ot of your caves in the same way as watching the news or reading a newspaper. Learn to listen without feeling blamed or responsible.

Venusians, learn to respect that Martians need to withdraw to cope with stress. Find peace of mind and understand that a Martian going into his cave is not a sign that he does not love you as much. Learn to be more accepting. Just politely stop talking, stand there, and wait for him to notice you when he is distracted. Ask for his attention in a relaxed and accepting manner and Martians will be happy to redirect their attention. Don’t take it personally. When Martians feel loved and accepted, they will more quickly come out of their caves.